My Newfound Sexuality

Katy Perry

I kissed a girl, and I liked it.
– Katy Perry, I Kissed A Girl

Disclaimer to my family members: Maybe y’all should pass on reading this one. Love you all. Kisses!

It was purely innocent, I swear. My friend and I were just goofing off, or showing off rather, for the guys – it was no big deal for two girls to kiss. They could oogle all they wanted, but we had no problem, as two single straight women, making out with each other. I had always found my friend to be hot, too. But not in the “I’m extremely attracted to you, let’s make babies” kind of way, but more in the “any guy would be bat shit crazy not to want you” kind of way. I had done it – I had made out with another chick. High fives all around. And for a while, that was that.

But then the dreams started. I would find myself every so often waking up from a very sexual dream involving another woman. It was no one specific, no one I knew, although I was very disappointed Olivia Munn didn’t make an all-star appearance. Anyone, including myself, would be bat shit crazy to kick that gorgeous specimen out of bed. Plus have you seen her character on The Newsroom? Essentially you’d be sleeping with a genius. A hot genius. But I digress.

To this day, I can’t shake those dreams. But rather than question them like I initially did, I now embrace them. From what I and basically the rest of society understands, it’s perfectly acceptable, and even encouraged, for women to experiment with other women. Get that girl on girl action going, so to speak. Let’s get weird and do some kinky crazy shit. I guess we have Van Wilder, American Pie, and oh, let’s not forget Girls Gone Wild to thank for that. And if you need anything more current, may I suggest you check out Spring Breakers. Actually, don’t. That movie was just terrible, and I can’t believe I will never get those 94 minutes of my life back.

Even studies are showing that it’s not just me who is getting cozy with the ladies. A survey conducted by the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics found that 14% of women in their late teens and 20s are comfortable experimenting with bisexuality. And let me be clear, what I’m feeling and thinking is exactly that – sexual. Sexually, I have always known I was into men, but it’s been a more recent discovery that I can actually picture myself with another woman. Maybe it’s because so many men have construed these fantasies that now “straight” women want them, too. Romantically however, I can only deal with males. As a woman myself, and having enough female friends to go around, I know I could never put up with another woman in terms of a relationship. I’ll just use myself as an example here. For instance, if I saw myself walking the street, I’d think (on my good days), “She’s pretty cute.” But I’m also loud, stubborn, obnoxious, and into some pretty weird shit. No, not chains and whips, but I wouldn’t turn down a pair of handcuffs. But regardless, I know I could never date myself. Myself and myself would drive each other crazy…and two crazy me’s is bad news bears for everyone. Essentially what I’m saying is I want a woman to kiss me, not hold my hand. She can dance with me in a club all she wants, but the moment she tries to buy me flowers, it’s onto the next. I’m so coldhearted, I know.

For many women, college is the prime time to experiment. But I’ve always been a slightly later bloomer, which explains why now, in my (almost) mid-twenties, two years after I’ve graduated college, I’m all hot and bothered by both Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in that bar scene in Crazy, Stupid, Love. You know the one. And if you don’t, you really should.

So why women? Why now? For one, I completely support any and all types of relationships – from one-night stands to heterosexual to homosexual ones to even swingers, I’m all for letting your freak flag fly and doing what makes you happy (so long as you use the proper protection and it brings no harm to anyone else – unless you’re into that sort of thing. I kid, I kid). I may not partake in all of them, but for me, I’m choosing to view these newfound female fantasies as a gem – a keepsake, if you will – in my life experiences. There is no harm in trying out a sexual experience with another player on the home team. Plus, she’s a woman – she should know what I like. Unlike some men, I won’t have to be drawing her a map to the promised land. She’s got the same anatomy as me, she knows where shit is and what likes to be teased, tugged, pulled, and rubbed. The thought of another woman – or even a threesome with another woman – is thrilling. Although a threesome in general is pretty thrilling. As they say, two’s company, and three’s a party. And the right girl (or guy) can crash my party anytime. But I wouldn’t do this for the shock value or for the attention, but more so because I’m curious. I’m fairly adventurous when it comes to sex – not like my “cat” is a revolving door – but I mean, when I’m in relationship or dating (which as of now, has always been men), I am up for doing just about anything. That vanilla sex is all fine and dandy, but I say pass me the chocolate fudge, pour some sugar on me, and let’s mix things up. I love trying new things, in and outside of the bedroom, and it just so happens that both men and now women have started tickling my fancy. Or tickling something, at least. So move over Luke Bryan – or at least scoot over so Olivia has some room. Because let’s be honest, I’d never kick you out of bed either, Luke.

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