Something Wicked This Way Comes

This weekend marks the final weekend of September – and thank God for that. Because as soon as Tuesday hits, you, me, and everyone else better be ready for the month-long celebration of Halloween. It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Autumn is finally here, which means the leaves are changing colors and other wondrous bullshit is happening, but it’s also the time where the freaks, geeks and sluts come out. I think I fit a little into all three categories there, but who’s judging? I’m awesome.

The month of October is the only time of the year where it is acceptable for women who aren’t runway models to frolic around in lingerie and wear animal ears. But for the rest of us that are slightly tired of that idea – that’s so 2011 anyway, right? – we get to dress up as whatever twe want. And everyone has to be super chill about it because it’s Halloween, bitches. And anyway, I tried the whole lingerie thing one year as a slutty Mrs. Claus (my then-boyfriend was a normally dressed Santa), and essentially froze my ass off wandering around the streets of Chico. Not looking to do that again (both the slutty and the Chico thing). Save the bras and panties for the bedroom and sexting because unless you’re Giselle – or Olivia Munn – most of us probably don’t want to see that. Plus it’s way too easy to simply go out and buy lingerie and claim you’re “dressing up” for Halloween. First of all, it should be dressing down (see what I did there?) and second of all, what the hell are you supposed to be anyway?

Mean Girls

I may lose some “awesome” points for saying this, but I finally watched The Avengers last week, and have been on a crazy superhero stint since then. I mean, I’ve always been into superheroes, but this movie just caused my obsession to be kicked up a notch. Not to mention I come from a stone cold pack family of weirdos where my dad raised me to believe that he was Batman. Seriously. Starting from the age of three until maybe I was eight or nine years old, I sincerely believed my dad was some sort of Indian version of Bruce Wayne. He had me thinking his Mercedes transformed into the Batmobile, for crying out loud. #firstworldproblems

And even without my dad’s weird antics, Batman has always been my favorite superhero – he doesn’t have any magical powers, he can’t fly or shoot webs out of his wrists – he’s just a regular (super rich) guy with a shit ton of fancy gadgets and a bitchin’ ride who at the end of the day, could kick your ass. But I wouldn’t say no to Iron Man. I see you, RDJ.

RDJ

And maybe I was living out some sort of superhero fantasy by making my boyfriend dress up as Batman last year. And let’s not read too much into the fact that I was Robin – I had a cape, and that’s all that matters. Who says I have to act my age? Although Robin is not the most masculine character out there, I have had a strange pattern as dressing up as men for Halloween starting from a very young age. When I was four, all of the girls in my preschool class dressed up as Power Rangers – and if you were a girl that meant you had a choice between either the pink ranger or the yellow ranger. But who the hell was dressing up as the yellow ranger? And then there was me – dressed up as the red ranger. I told you I was awesome. There’s no denying it at this point.

But Halloween has always been a big deal for my family anyway. Although my parents have not dressed up in years (despite my encouragement), I remember running around as a little kid in my homemade Sailor Mars costume seeing my parents dressed up as characters ranging from Robin Hood and Maid Marian to some sort of gangster/pimp and a flapper. My parents have always set a perfect example for me, I swear. #bestrolemodelseva

But besides dressing up, there are so many other benefits to this holiday. For those of you that are for it, Halloween gives you a perfect excuse to get completely trashed, and for the people that are a little more like me, Halloween gives us the perfect excuse to eat candy. And by candy, I mean chocolate. I have never been partial to actual candy – just give me the Snickers and the Reese’s and get the hell out of my way. Then there’s my favorite part: the decorations. My boyfriend doesn’t know it yet (he soon will), but I spent my lunch break yesterday dropping three figures on Halloween decorations for our apartment. What can I say, I’m both awesome and a baller. So along with stringing up pseudo-cobwebs and brewing potions, I will also be very much in the mood to carve some pumpkins. Word on the street is that some cute little girl dressed up as a red power ranger used to win many of the pumpkin carving/decoration contests at her elementary school. Wonder who that could be? #womanofmystery

So break out the Practical Magic and Hocus Pocus DVDs, get ready to watch all of the original versions of Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, and the like, and you know we can never get enough of Casper and those Halloween specials like It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. I also may have to slip in a viewing of Halloweentown. I’m nostalgic and a Disney lover. That movie is a classic, I’m telling you. Tell the Addams family I say hello. And lastly, here’s wishing everyone a crazy, scary, and sloshed safe All Hallows’ Eve.

The Great Pumpkin

Oh also, for the white people out there reading this that don’t know who Sailor Mars is, I feel sorry for you.

Comments

  1. I have to say I absolutely loved this! You have inspired me to be much more creative with my Halloween costume this year. I’m not saying I’ll be stealing your Batman and Robin idea (my hubby is more of a Superman fan) but definitely no nurses or maids for me! Thank you! 🙂

    • Oh my gosh, thank you! 🙂 And don’t worry about “stealing” anything – I say superheroes all the way. Plus it’s much more fun if you get to be a little creative with your costume. I’ve definitely been a victim of doing the store bought costume thing and making those runs to Spirit, but I’m all for individuality and putting your own style into whatever you want to dress up as.

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