All of a Sudden I Miss Her

OhanaAs I’m sure some of you know, this past week and a half has been a pretty tragic one. And although it’s incredibly unfortunate to say, sometimes it’s the saddest and lowest moments in life that make us remember what who is most important in our lives. And maybe it’s even a little more tragic that we don’t remember those people and things all along.

But because life gets hectic and shit gets in the way, we do have a habit of forgetting. We get lost in the muck of it all, we muddle through our day to day fiascos, but then something comes along and knocks us on our ass, and we suddenly recall the people that we need most in this world. The people we can’t live without. And sadly sometimes that reminder comes too late.

But in the midst of tragedy, we can also grow stronger. We learn to lean on the ones that love us most, we come together, we support one another, we build, we bond, we regrow.

And for me, I guess that’s the silver lining – if I have to choose a silver lining at all – that comes from a tragedy. From an ill-fated circumstance or a series of unfortunate events. Sorry to steal your thunder there, Lemony Snicket. My silver lining is that I remember how fortunate I really am. How good I have it. What a wondrous and stunning thing this little life that I have is.

And while the services, the eulogies, the obituary, the flowers – while each of those things might all be said and done, that silver lining hit me hard today. And ironically, it came in the form of a Facebook post (as well as a series of text messages that we had exchanged earlier) that read from Nikki to Sam:

Along with all the food I just requested for my return, I’d also like a caramel bruleé latte (no whipped cream), apple pie, pumpkin pie, yams with marshmallows, thanksgiving turkey, & your chocolate chip cookies but substitute the milk chocolate for white chocolate &/or butterscotch chips. I hope all this food is waiting for me in the car as soon as I walk out of the airport doors. We are also watching Gilmore Girls the instant we get home from the airport. I want to watch the episode where Rory drinks too much Founder’s Day Punch & cries on the bathroom floor, because that is equal to how I am feeling right now.

I know the food list sounds unrealistic, so I’ll take maybe 4-5/9 things I’ve asked for. The Gilmore Girls marathon is non-negotiable though. Love & miss you! Can’t wait to see you in 60 days.

I had to edit this post because I sound too demanding but my cravings are real right now. Thanks for being the best sister ever cause I know you probably will get me all these things.

My one and only sister has been in Europe for about two months now. She has another two months to go in beautiful Rome, but all I want is to have her next to me. Two people that I know lost a sibling last week, and I can’t even begin to imagine how they are feeling and how they have been feeling.

My sister and I are about 3.5 years apart, and I can’t – and won’t, for that matter – begin to imagine what life would be like without my other half. I want to hold her close and tell her that I love her, and that she is my best friend. My blood, my true soul sister.

Because for the past two months, a part of my wondrous and stunning little life has been missing. I haven’t been able to dance around and sing One Direction, there’s no one there to stay up until 3 a.m. with me bitching about how our parents simply don’t understand us, no one to compare our similarities to Khloe and Kourtney (Kardashian, of course), and I definitely don’t have that one person that knows and understands and furthermore, accepts and loves, my weird quirks. And trust me, I do have some weird quirks. I can just hear my sister now yelling at me to put some clothes on as it’s been over two hours since you’ve showered, Sam. You can’t walk around naked forever. And while she’ll yell all of this at me, she’ll still understand my secret wanting to live in a nudist colony.

I guess the whole point of me conveying the unconditional love I have for my sister is this: everyone should convey the unconditional love they have for [insert name of loved one here]. Because what this past week has taught me is we can never take any moment for granted. Things can – and do – change in literally the blink of an eye. In the passing of a train, the skidding of a car, the lighting of a fire, the shooting of a gun, the person you love can be taken. No one is immune. We aren’t invincible. We are fragile, but we should consider ourselves so lucky that we have people around us that hold us together.

Never waste a moment to tell someone you love them. I know that this should sound intuitive and obvious, but so many of us go about our days, performing our routines, and we never take that easy move to just say I love you, I appreciate you, You mean everything to me. And maybe one day – hopefully not anytime soon – we won’t get that chance.

And those little moments – they are so effortless. It takes almost nothing on our part to go out of our way and sincerely cherish another human being. I’ve found that we tend to do this with those that we are in relationships with, but what about the others that are also helping to keep our fragile selves intact? They cannot be forgotten. They are not obsolete. And I hope that it doesn’t take a tragedy for us to realize that.

Life is life is life. But we weren’t meant to go at it alone. The company that we keep, keep us, too. Let us not forget that.

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