It’s the CMA Awards, Y’all

Of emotions, of love, of breakup, of love and hate and death and dying, mama, apple pie, and the whole thing. It covers a lot of territory, country music does.
– Johnny Cash

November 6, 2013 means only one thing for me. I will be setting aside my futile attempts at studying for my macroeconomics midterm and watching the 47th CMA Awards, starting at 8pm on ABC. For me, country music has, and always will, hold an extremely special place in my heart. It’s by far my favorite genre of music, and everyone from Luke Bryan (obvi) to George Strait to Alan Jackson to even some T. Swizzle rule my ears and my iPod. I mean, I still have last year’s CMAs recorded on my DVR.

While I may be from the Bay Area, I swear I am a country girl at heart. Here’s looking at you, Luke. Daisy Dukes and ripped jeans are a staple in my wardrobe as well as my neon green tank top with Keep Calm and Shake It for Luke scrolled across the top half, and to this day, I still fantasize about living out in the middle of nowhere on a quaint, little farm with a bunch of animals surrounding me. Just call me the less domesticated version of Snow White. But rather than sing Someday My Prince Will Come, simply substitute the prince with cowboy, and you get the picture. And as a little girl, I never dreamt about driving around in my new car when I turned 16. Instead, my visions were slightly more cowgirl. I wanted a horse (still do, by the way) – and no, not a pony, a real horse. Who needs automobiles when I have a Black Beauty-looking stallion to ride around on? Readers, it is at this point that I will ask you to refrain from making any amazingly obvious sexual jokes from that last statement. You wouldn’t want to ruin a little girl’s dreams, now would you?

With only hours away until the big event, millions of country music fans like myself are expecting the best out of Nashville. Artists Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood will return for the sixth consecutive year to host, and the list of presenters includes CMA nominees such as Lee Brice, Eli Young Band, and Kelly Clarkson (although don’t ask me how on Earth the first winner of American Idol transitioned into country music because I couldn’t tell you #carrieunderwoodwannabe). As far as performances go, well, that’s what I’m looking forward to the most. Kicking off the show is my main squeeze LB, and following him include his long-time buddy Jason Aldean (#cheater, but I still love your music, Jas!), Tim McGraw, Florida Georgia Line, Blake Shelton, Keith Urban, Little Big Town, Taylor Swift (#lovehaterelationship), and many others.

What’s pretty cool about this year’s CMAs, however, is the mixture of artists we will get to see. Not only will viewers experience the many different types of country music there are (pop, traditional, acoustic, etc.),  but the show will also be visited by Jason Mraz (performing with Hunter Hayes) and Dave Grohl. Yes, you read that correctly. Dave Grohl – the rock musician and lead singer of the Foo Fighters – that Dave Grohl. He will be on stage alongside Zac Brown Band. And although Zac Brown is not a fan of modern country music, I have chosen to forgive him for this as well as his insult regarding Luke Bryan’s song That’s My Kind of Night. But seriously Zac, step off the Hatorade – it’s not like everyone loves their Chicken Fried, but we still have to hear you sing about it. Maybe he’s just jealous of Luke’s dance abilities? I mean, who wouldn’t want to be able to shake it like this (for him (LB) or for any person you think is insanely, ridiculously, straight up hot)?

Country boy, shake it for me.

Country boy, shake it for me.

Tonight though, I’m hoping for a change. For the past couple of years, the ladies of country music have been running the show. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for feminism and girl power, but I am a bit tired of seeing Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood, and Taylor Swift take home a majority of the awards (even though Swift has six nominations and Lambert has five nominations). Not to mention I simply cannot stand Miranda Lambert in the first place. I’ll just wait for the hate mail to pour in for saying that. But really, you could have done so much better, Blake. Maybe you can pull a Jason Aldean, and she’ll leave you (which would be to your benefit), and you can find someone with a voice that doesn’t make me want to cut my ears off. #vangoghstyle Okay, I’m kidding (sort of), but seriously, adultery is not a joke, kids.

Said his mistress.

Said his mistress.

What’s been the talk around town is the supposed bro country movement, which, sorry ladies, is what I’m pulling for tonight. I want the acceptance speeches tonight to consist of men in tight pants and E3 baseball caps – more specifically, I want the acceptance speeches tonight to consist of Luke Bryan. But I guess I can’t be overly picky. No one ever gets what they want that way. But just to set the record straight, if he doesn’t win Entertainer of the Year (and heaven forbid Taylor Swift does), I may very well cry. #oneforthedramatics To note, the five artists up for the major award of the night are Taylor Swift (a no go, in my opinion), George Strait (nostalgia at its finest), Blake Shelton (the husband of that one annoying chick who won’t stop singing about gunpowder and lead), Jason Aldean (the adulterer with utterly fabulous music), and Luke Bryan (my husband – he just doesn’t know it yet).

Produced by the Country Music Association, the nominees and winners of tonight’s event are selected by over 7,000 industry professionals who are part of the CMA. The CMA itself was first formed in 1958, making it the first trade organization to promote a specific genre of music. And not so surprisingly, Chevrolet and all of its “full-size pickups” are serving as one of the major sponsors for the CMA Awards.

To all the country guys and country girls out there, get ready, because amidst Carrie Underwood’s countless wardrobe changes and an appearance from the members of Duck Dynasty, we are in for a night of great music. Now who wants to sneak me backstage so I can give Luke my number?

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