Another Palinism

Former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin is at it again. Over the weekend she sat down with USA Today to discuss “politics” – or her extraordinarily skewed version of the word – and her new book Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas because Christians along with everyone else seem to have forgotten the true fundamentals of the holiday season. Jesus’ birthday or the Winter Solstice? Who can really say?

The Office

While some people might tell me to abstain from poking fun at Palin, I’d say that yes, I do agree with that rule: if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But there are exceptions to every rule. And Palin is an exception. Not to mention she makes it incredibly easy for people to simply shake their heads and laugh at her.

Ted Cruz’s sister from another mister and the former Queen bee of the Tea Party, Palin is on the lookout to get back into the political spotlight. Siding with other Tea Party favorites, she is strongly anti-Obamacare, telling USA Today that the government shutdown was completely justified. In fact, she went ahead and deemed it as a “slimdown” rather than a shutdown. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. She goes on to depict how liberals are undermining the religious aspects of Christmas as well as the entire holiday season. Hide yo Santas, hide yo gingerbread men, and hide yo reindeer, cuz Palin’s getting’ everybody out here to read the Bible, damn it. Now don’t get me wrong, I myself am Catholic, and I completely support the roots of my religion – not necessarily what the Vatican has made it (although Pope Francis is doing one heck of a job turning everything around, in my opinion). But I simply do not support Palin and her stances on religion. And basically everything else.  According to Palin, the war is not on terrorism or Islam or anything of the sort, but rather on the “Judeo-Christian foundation of America.” Because of this, she is encouraging individuals to protest schools and stores if songs such as O Little Town of Bethlehem are absent from the caroling list (in lieu of the mainstream titles like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Frosty the Snowman) or if employees greet customers with a “Happy Holidays” rather than a full-on “Merry Christmas.”

Excuse me, Sarah? Did I just hear you correctly? So what you are advocating is that the holiday season simply be all about Christmas? But clearly we can’t have that – I mean, you already stated that some Americans are anti-Christian, leading me to believe that – holy shit – not all of America is comprised of Christians. And because we have that little thing you may have forgotten about called separation of church and state and that constitutional right to freedom of religion, people are free to practice and adhere to the faith system of their choice. Yes, December 25 may be the most popular December holiday, but Palin, that small brain syndrome of yours may have forgotten a few others. Let’s see, we have Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Bodhi Day, and not to mention the lesser known National Chocolate Covered Anything Day and National Humbug Day (which, for those of you that are interested in some truly insightful holiday celebrations, fall on December 16 and December 21, respectively).

Among the hodgepodge of “political” discussions and her take on holiday traditions, Palin’s main message is that the Christmas spirit should be founded in Christ. We should do well not to listen to those “Birkenstock-wearing, NPR-listening liberals.” Ah, so quick to pass judgment, Palin – and yet, you seem to get your granny panties all in a bunch whenever us crazy-ass liberals say anything remotely negative – and much more grounded in factual information – about you.

If you hadn’t guessed it by now, I will most definitely not be purchasing her book. The fact that she’s published three books thus far blows my mind. When will someone put a stop to the madness?

Parks and Recreation

And in other news, Palin spoke at a conservative fundraiser this past Saturday in which, true to form, she raised the issue of the debt levels in this country and how they are something akin to slavery. High debt levels (that, might I add, former President Bush got us into)…to slavery. How exactly did she make the connection there? The connection comes from the fact that she says Americans are going to end up being “shackled” by this nation’s spending. You’re really just sidestepping sensitivity all over the place, aren’t you, Palin? She did make sure to state that she wasn’t trying to be racist, but isn’t that what we all say before we indulge in a “racist” joke? The problem here is that Palin provides us with all of these not so clever analogies, but never makes the connections as to how one relates to the other. I guess we can attribute that to her small brain syndrome. Primary symptom: extreme levels of closed-mindedness. Last year, she appeared on Fox News’ The Sean Hannity Show in which she stated that President Obama is bringing this country back to the “days before the civil war, where unfortunately too many Americans mistakenly believed that not all men were created equal.” And then, in a style only Palin herself is capable of, she went on to attempt to link her statement to the Affordable Care Act…a law that seeks to ensure every citizen in this country has available healthcare. Someone explain that logic to me, please.

To wrap up the Palinisms of the day, she sat down with Matt Lauer this morning to further her discussions on Obamacare, where she encouraged Tea Partiers to repeal Obamacare. Stat. Now again, I am a liberal, but I do understand that some people were kicked off of their healthcare plans when the Affordable Care Act went into effect (side note: these 2 million individuals still have access to obtain healthcare, and typically, those plans booted Americans off because the company simply did not want to pay more to provide the minimum healthcare coverage that the ACA stipulates, and it is estimated that over half of those individuals will be able to get cheaper and better coverage than they originally had) and yes, the system has not (yet) chartered the course for blue skies and smooth sailing. It needs work. But dear God, if someone pulls another move like Ted Cruz, I am going to lose my shit. Throughout the interview, Palin provided roundabout answers to Lauer’s questions, and in some cases, gave an answer that had no relation to the question at all. But I guess when a morning “news” show decides to have Palin as a guest, they should already know what to expect.

White Chicks

So my dear minions, I’ll leave you with a fun, yet rather perplexing would you rather: Would you rather sit through a five-course meal with Sarah Palin or Stephanie Banister? You remember her, the woman that thought Islam was a country? Brilliance knows no bounds, ladies and gents. But seriously, to the both of you, quit disgracing women everywhere, and let’s hurry up and get Hillary into office. #2016predictions

Hillary and Sarah

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