I Can’t Be Your Tinderella

Tinder

Last night, I had dinner with one of my close friends from college. She’s one of the least judgmental people I know, so I’ve always been fairly open with her. Our conversation moved from office life to dating and relationship life, and she introduced me to her experiences on the notorious app Tinder. On the off chance you do not know what Tinder is, it is described (on its website) as “how people meet. It’s like real life, but better” (side note: it’s not). But seriously, it’s a “dating” app that allows you to make a profile, choose pictures to host on your profile, and try and gain matches with people in a specific mileage of your location. Swipe left for those you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole, and swipe right for those that spark your interest and curiosity. Whether we want to admit it or not, this app is all grounded in first impressions and snap judgments based on physical appearances.

For me, online and cyber dating has never been a draw. I would much prefer to meet people through chance, fate, destiny, a mutual park bench, or whatever the hell actually brings people together face to face. I refuse to let a swipe dictate my dating life. That doesn’t mean that the app won’t work for other people – there’s no shame in using it, but it simply boils down to people’s individual preferences. My friend has actually had some decent dates through her interactions via Tinder. It does sadden me, however, that this way of interacting is rapidly becoming the new norm for dating. But of course, what did I do by the end of dinner? I had downloaded Tinder and set up a profile. Now I’d like to note that this was purely for research. In all honesty, I would never actually use this app. For one, I already am in enough of a dating dilemma. But hell, I needed some new experiences to write about, and given that my mind has been completely clouded by other personal events lately, I needed something – anything – to light my fire. See what I did there?

For starters, I will say that the app is extremely straightforward. I mean, no bullshit, I swipe right, you swipe right, and we are matched. Voila! To the same extent, it also saves you from any rejection. I think you’re a little too hairy, you think my nose is a little too crooked, it’s an easy move left and the both of us are none the wiser that we didn’t quite tickle each other’s fancy. Look out folks, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s – Super Tinder – saving humans everywhere from a bout of hurt feelings.

On the other hand, this app is promoting a human connection based on looks alone – it is feeding on our capability to be shallow. And maybe a witty quote inserted into the profile. And that’s a big maybe. Tinder will clearly highlight what “type” you are attracted to – but sometimes maintaining the same routine and same patterns are not always the best lifestyle to follow, especially when it comes to dating and relationships.

But like I said, for shits and giggles, I decided to give this app a try. (Side note: in the span of less than 24 hours, I have already deactivated my account and deleted the app – like I said, I already went in knowing this way of dating just isn’t for me). And what did I learn? I am picky as all hell. Maybe it’s because I have someone in “real life” that I’m genuinely interested in, or maybe I may have set the bar way too high for myself (although really, can we ever truly do that? Like my mama always says, “Never settle for less than you deserve”).

And clearly I believe I deserve the best (but so do most people out there – not necessarily the believing part, but the deserving part). I found myself moving like Beyoncé and swiping “to the left, to the left” at images of ear gauges, of mirror selfies, half naked “let me turn this into an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot” pictures, and the infamous rap lyrics men felt the need to include in their profile. There’s a time and a place for Ludacris lyrics, and Tinder isn’t it. Oh, and grammatical errors in a profile. Come on, guys – I set my age range for men between the ages of 26 to 35. By this point in our lives, we should all know the difference between “witch” and “which” and “their” and “they’re.”

To be honest, there were very few men I found attractive. And maybe that’s because I have never been the “hook up, one night stand” kind of girl. Not to say that’s what Tinder is all about, but I have heard other women discuss this app in which they illustrate their desperation to find a significant other. To that, I would respond that there is a very good chance your next mate is not going to be coming from Tinder. That guy you “connected” with – well, chances are he’s connected with a bunch of other women too (my friend had already garnered over 100 matches herself). His six pack is not just for you alone. I think the app could be fun, it can definitely help pass time, but until I hear about two people getting hitched from “matching” on a digital app, my faith is going to remain in the old fashioned way of meeting and dating. Sorry fellas, the cyber glass slipper just isn’t fitting – I can’t be your Tinderella.

Comments

  1. Love the way this was written. Clever, witty, and honest. I’m also not much for on line dating so I can definitely understand where you’re coming from.

  2. Love your blog! Wrote a post similar to this after my short lived experience with Tinder as well. Definitely and interesting experiment, lol.

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  1. […] Original post: I Can’t Be Your Tinderella – Thoughts of a twenty-something year old […]

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