When You Have a Dream about Your Ex

I’m not going to dignify his behavior with a response. I’m not even going to leave him one of those angry answering machine messages: “Hi, it’s me, you’re a dick,” but it sure felt good saying it right now.
–          Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Last night I had a fairly startling dream about my ex. The dream itself was not so startling – but just the fact that my ex (who I haven’t been with in nearly three years) played the lead. For those of you that don’t know, my ex and I did not have a healthy, mature break up. Mainly because he himself is not that mature. A little bit of background for y’all: I broke up with him because he decided to get so ridiculously high and drunk one night he thought it would be acceptable to humiliate me in front of his friends. I, on the other hand, did not think it was acceptable. So the end, the end, and the end.

To be completely honest, I had let this behavior go on for months, but because he had been my friend since we were twelve years old, I figured I had to give our history a chance to meld into a future together. Needless to say, it didn’t.

Sex and the City - Samantha

And I haven’t even thought about him in over a year, let alone have a dream about him. When we first broke up, I used to have dreams about him fairly frequently – reliving happier memories that were just that – no longer my reality. And while reminiscing about sipping Pinot Grigio over a table full of closed eyes and giggles made me happy once upon a time, those dreams eventually faded. And then my dreams went back to the usual (i.e. a private meet and greet with Luke Bryan), with the ex sometimes making a cameo appearance, and then once time had sealed up the wound, nothing. So brain, what on Earth were you doing during my REM cycle last night to cause me to have an entire dream about him?

The dream itself was not anything special: essentially I was at my grandparents’ house (who happened to be absentee in this dream), and my ex was there along with one of his current friends with benefits, and all I knew was in that moment I had to get the hell out of that house, but for whatever reason, I had no car and had no way of leaving unless my friend picked me up. Except that he refused to pick me up. So I ended up sitting there awkwardly with my ex and his F.W.B., until my 5:08 a.m. alarm stirred me back to reality – an extremely groggy reality at that. Not my grandparents’ kitchen, but my bedroom, not sitting at a wooden table, but surrounded by my blankets and pillows.

Sex and the City - Carrie

And then before I could even hit the snooze button, confusion set in. What does the dream even mean? Both my sister and my cousin are psychology majors, maybe I should have them analyze this for me. But because it was only 5:11 a.m., I ignored my instinct to immediately group text them both. Not because the sun hadn’t even risen yet, but because group texts are the bane of my existence.

Was my ex supposed to symbolize something? Am I repressing anything in particular? Other than the obvious fact that I have no desire to ever bump into him or his “friend.” Then again, it’s not likely that we ever will. We run in very different circles. Me, finding comfort in half of a poppy seed muffin and an episode of Shark Tank on a Friday night – him, finding comfort in a few lines of cocaine on a Friday night. At this point, if you’re thinking, Sam, what did you two even have in common?, you can join my group of best friends that repeatedly asked me that the entirety of our relationship. And looking back as a wiser woman, I can say that sadly, all we had in common was each other. And that I definitely should have listened to my friends.

Sex and the City

But maybe at the end of the day, my dream wasn’t anything more than just a dream. He made his appearance, but thankfully, he is no longer a part of my reality. And this time, it will not take months upon months for the memories and his presence to fade, but only the sound of my alarm.

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