My Wish

Cup of Tea

I wish that I could sing to you. Hum you a melody so beautiful that I could take your hand and with it, your heart and soul. Create a harmony so exquisite that we’d no longer be strangers – you’d see me, feel me, hear me – all of your senses would be awakened. I would happily bleed out the words that my heart longs to say to you. I’d fill up sheets of music, take my fingers to the piano, and with the very first chord, you’d know that you wouldn’t want to ever let me go. You’d sweetly surrender to me, you’d suppress nothing, you’d fall – freely and endlessly. Your faith would be renewed; my tune would be perplexing, but quite lovely. My song for you has a beauty that is all its own. It will come to life – it will make you feel alive. If only I could sing to you.

I wish that I could dance with you. Paint you an expression with my limbs. Create a memory from my arms to yours. Standing up on my tiptoes, swaying slowly, I’d only like to hear you whisper as I move. You’d never want to close your eyes – you’d stare, see the flames behind my eyes and my soul. You’d understand that there is more than passion there. There’s hurt, there’s suffering, but I’d hold you in the middle of my waltz and you and I both would feel like we’ve found a home. Yours in the moments when I rest my head against your shoulder and I fit perfectly in the nook between your shoulder and jawline. Mine in the instants when you press your lips against my forehead and I feel like I could take you anywhere and everywhere. If only I could dance with you.

I wish that I could run to you. Faster than I already can. Run, dash, sprint – all to you. I’d chase the dawn, pave a trail of my own, feel the dust settle on the back of my calves, and with every step, leave an imprint on the way to winning your heart. Run with me, won’t you? Let’s race, feel the wind push our cheeks back, and know that we don’t ever have to be alone again. Run with me – to our future, to the creation of memories, to forget what we desperately want to leave behind. I won’t leave you behind – you set the pace, and only we will know the secrets of the trails we follow. If only I could run to you.

I wish that I could fly with you. Take you somewhere new – somewhere we have never been. I’d fly you over castles, over oceans, fly us up and into the clouds, and in the darkest night, you’d be able to find my silhouette. I’d be your light, be your star, and in the darkest night, I’d be able to see the twinkle in your eyes. We wouldn’t need capes or planes or jets, I would let us disappear, the voices would fade, the world would be our wilderness. My hair would flow, and the smell of vanilla shampoo would always bring you back to me. Even in the darkest night, we’d find each other. If only I could fly with you.

I wish that I could save you. Like you have saved me countless times over. You have let me fall in love with you every day. I have not always given you the privilege you have bestowed to me. You have loved me; I have not always loved you so tenderly, so unconditionally. But I have loved you rather selfishly. I wish that I could save you from myself. I wish that I could tell you to fall out of love with me. I wish that you knew going in that I can’t sing or dance or run or fly. I can’t give you everything I promised. I desperately want to try, but I can’t promise that I will succeed. I wish you could see past the version of me you hold so dear; I wish we could go back to that night in July, when the sun faded away, and you found me and my silhouette, and I found you and that twinkle in your eye. When my home was in the nook of your neck and yours in your lips against my forehead. When we fell freely and endlessly, when we suppressed nothing and embraced everything. I wish something – someone – better for you. If only I could save you.

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