A Thank You Letter

Snow Covered Ground

We are expected to write thank you notes for various occasions – birthdays, weddings, and such, but there are so many momentous occasions – and people, for that matter – that go without our thanks, regardless of the imprint they have left on us. And I’m talking about a genuine thank you, not those sarcastic thank you’s as in “oh, thank you, ex-boyfriend, for showing me how awesome I am without you.” Yeah no. I’m talking strictly thanking a person for changing your life (and probably yourself) for the better. So that’s what this is. A thank you letter now that something beautiful has ended.

 

Dear XXXXX,

I hope this finds you well. I know I could have put all of this in an email or even some sort of novel text message, but you know I’ve always been old-fashioned. You also know I’m not a huge believer in coincidences – I truly do believe I was meant to meet you. We were meant to fall in love. You were meant to change me in the best way possible. I was meant to bend and fold to the gentleness of your eyes, and you were meant to cave under the weight of my fantasies and idealisms.

While I never considered myself a terrible person, I know that our relationship was far from perfect, and I know a lot of that had to do with my own demons. The ones that would keep me company late at night – the ones that led me astray from you. But I wish you could see me now. I wish you could see how strong I’ve become. Strong enough to banish most of my demons away. They are no longer there – in the cracks and crevices of closets, bed sheets, and drawers filled with distrust and fear. If only you could see me now.

And while I do believe that there may be a time and place for us, I know that, either way, with you I experienced a love that I had previously believed to be unattainable. Thank you for giving me that. I was a moth to your flame and I could never get enough of your heat, and I was more than happy to bask in the warmth and more than grateful for the safe fires that gave me so much comfort and light in my darkest times.

Speaking of which, I think it goes without saying, but I really must thank you for sticking by me in my lowest moments. The times where I yelled and cried and all you had to do was keep me in your embrace. Because you knew eventually the sobs would subside, and I’d look at you long enough for you to dab the tears away. My eyes red, cheeks puffy, hair matted like a lioness; you would say these four words to me every time: It will be okay.

For you, it was all about giving your love away. You know me – you know I love love. But the way you gave yourself and your love to me, it was as if you knew that this bleak Earth needed as much affection as it could get, even if it was solely directed at me. You put your love out there, and all along, you had no idea the sheer power of your actions.

With you, I had someone. A fellow snuggler, someone that would lend me a t-shirt and stick my towel in the drier to warm it up while I was in the shower. Someone that would wake me up, in both a literal and figurative sense. You opened my eyes to a new kind of love. With you, I found someone stable, someone good, someone beautiful.

The truth is this: you are a rarity. Do not hide your heart or your love away from anyone else. That would be a tragedy. And we have enough tragedies from things that we do not have control over. Let us make a beautiful wilderness of the things we do have control over.

Lastly, I have to thank you for all of our memories. Nearly 2.5 years, and I do not believe one thousand love letters would be able to do our memories justice. No amount of adjectives, no amount of words – nothing will ever be enough to sum “us” up. But I will thank you for them.

Thank you for New York. It was our little piece of heaven, I believe. The snow-covered ground, your hand in mine, my windblown hair, your kisses of green tea and chocolate croissants – that’s my kind of heaven on Earth. Most people do not associate paradise with a wintry feel, but it was for me. And I’m pretty sure it was for you, too.

Thank you for your apartment. It was my escape on weekends. You were my escape. You, and that familiar shower, and the kitchen counter that would be my seat of honor as oil spattered and steam filled the ceiling when you cooked. The grey comforter that held our most intimate moments. And Sasquatch, sitting in the corner. My infamous Christmas teddy bear. Please tell me you still have him. And please tell me he’s resting atop a pillow now, probably wondering where I am. Do you wonder where I am?

Like I said, no amount of words could express our memories and my gratefulness for every single one of them – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I refuse to wonder about the woman I would be had you not come into my life. I am such a different person from who I used to be, and that is more than okay. But I needed you to know the kind of influence you had on me. It was more than I could have ever asked. Thank you for making me believe in love again. For making me see that I should be comfortable in my own skin. For reminding me that I am intelligent, that I am beautiful, and that I don’t need any reminders to know that (even though you promised you would keep on telling me).

Thank you for not giving up on me. A lesser man would have a long time ago. But I have come so far – I can promise you that. I will only look back on us with happiness and awe at the person you were and the person I know you will become. I miss you every single day, and I will continue to miss you. And love you. Because with you, I had someone. We had something. It was everything.

Love,
Sam

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: