It hit me hard. Hearing that you were engaged to someone else. I still have that diamond ring you had given me five years ago. In that little black box – I keep it in a brown paper bag on the top shelf in my closet. But that’s not really the point here. In some ways, it feels like another lifetime. And in others, I am back on that high school dance floor, the last song of the night, and I am letting you kiss me. Warm and thrilling.
I wanted to reach for him. To hold him. To temporarily let him burrow into my brain to let him know I wouldn’t break his heart. That I am not his ex wife. That I will never be his ex wife. But I knew him well. I know when he gets overwhelmed he shuts down. It’s not his most attractive quality, but we all have unattractive qualities, don’t we? It’s about looking past all of that. The bluster and the bullshit.